Embrace or Resent?

Jordan shopped in Denver for some hats for me once I started treatment.  She brought them home Easter weekend.  On Friday night we went to the bedroom and I tried on the new hats and scarf.  The hat pictured here is a very soft cottony hat - I call it a cancer cap.  When I put it on, I lost it.  I cried (hate to admit it but kind of uncontrollably!).  Well, of course, Jordan joined right in with me!  I told her I looked like I had cancer.  Not really a look I ever wanted to have!  So we put the hats back in the bag and joined the rest of the family for the evening. 
The next day Jordan and I were shopping at Dillon's.  We ran into a friend who is a breast cancer survivor.  She had been helping me through the process so far.  So I asked her how she handled losing her hair.  Mine had been coming out in handfuls and thought by the end of the next week it would probably all be gone.  Her answer shocked me!  She said she never did.  She resented her wig the whole time.  Ok, believe it or not, that was exactly what I needed to hear.  Did I want to resent the hair loss for months?  No, of course not.  I had no choice in whether I was going to have hair or not.  I was losing my hair.  The choice I had to make was whether I would be resentful for months on end or embrace this change.  Well, you guessed it.  I decided to embrace losing my hair. 
So that night Taylor came home.  I showed him my new hats.  I put on my green cancer cap and didn't shed a tear!  
I've had fun wearing different hats and adding flowers to them.   My cousin Pauline crocheted flowers for me and I have enjoyed changing them out with different outfits.  Jordan found a cute bow and band in the baby section of Dillard's that looks really cute on my cancer cap.  My hats and flowers bring a smile to the nurses and chemo patients at the clinic.   That's what's important!  I also have a wig, but that's another blog post.